This morning, Haley and I headed to the March of Dimes March For Babies. Brent is tucked away with the guys, reveling in the draft and the soap opera that is the NFL. It was just Haley and I and I was not sure of what to expect. There were a few hundred people, all in support of an organization that helped me maintain my sanity just over one year ago. I was flustered upon arriving as I was a whopping three minutes later than I intended to be, since I had to turn around and retrieve the stroller from the garage once I realized I had forgotten it. I signed us in, entered the arena, and the official countdown began. Three miles. Three....two....one.
I was walking with a team of people from Brent's work. Actually, I was registered with them, but I took off walking on my own. I saw various groups of people, and just about every group had matching shirts of some kind. The walls were laden with pictures and posters of premature babies, and teams were walking "in memory of" preemies who never got to leave the NICU. As I was walking around, pushing Haley in the stroller, I started to feel overcome with emotion. I know - big surprise, Val got emotional - but it was so.....surreal.
Just over one year ago, Collette came in to my hospital room and introduced herself and told me she was with the March of Dimes. She was compassionate, understanding, and approachable. She told me what was up ahead, and how she was going to be there to help. She brought me a sandwich from Subway, and I ate cucumbers for the first time in my 29 years of life. Three days later, Haley was born two months premature. See if I eat cucumbers again. (I kid, I kid....)
As I was walking around the arena, a head of hair caught my attention - and I recognized it belonging to one of the NICU nurses from Innovis. Right behind her was another nurse, and right alongside her was Dr. J. Haley's neonatologist. I choked back tears. I remembered meeting him for the first time in the operating room, as he explained what they had to do as they whisked Haley out of my sight and in to the NICU. He spoke slowly and sympathetically, as I cried laying on the operating table. He asked Brent if he wanted to go with him, but I needed Brent to stay with me...they just took my baby, I couldn't be without my husband too.
As I walked around the arena, it was as if I was walking in a dream, and the reality was reliving the experience of delivering Haley prematurely. I didn't see Dr. J in his jeans and jacket, I saw him in his white hospital coat. I saw the nurses in their scrubs. I saw Haley in her isolette instead of in front of me in her stroller.
As I glanced around, trying to get a grip, I saw so many children, and overheard so many conversations. "She was 6 weeks premature." "These quads were born at 24 weeks and 2 days." "It's been three years, and we miss him every day."
The three miles were done. I started towards the door, and Dr. J was standing right before me. He recognized me and said hello, tickled Haley, and asked how she was doing. I told him she was 13 months now, but the woman from Right Track had her meeting 14 month milestones (and her adjusted age is 11 months, so she's way ahead of her time!). He was excited to see her and hear of her progress. I flashed back to the day in NICU when he was explaining her intravenous feeding and the nutrients that were in the bag. He joked, "This is food just like you and I eat. Burger King, McDonalds, just in liquid form."
I walked out to the car and put Haley in her car seat - still rear-facing, since she's not even 20 pounds yet. (17.5 according to our scale calculations at home...) I loaded the stroller in the back, and then settled myself in behind the steering wheel. That's about when I lost it.
I can't really explain or describe how I still carry the whole experience with me. How I still wonder what real labor is like. How I still remember Lois, the nurse, coming in and telling me it was time. How my stomach started spasming once they made the first incision. How the nurses came in my room to tell me how beautiful Haley was. How Collette sat with me at Haley's isolette for an hour one day, just being a friend. How I marvel at the miracle Haley is, and how grateful I am she avoided any and all complications post-delivery. I can't express what it feels like to hold a 17 pound baby, while remembering her 2 pound, 12 ounce frame. Wondering when her eyebrows were going to grow in. Wondering if she would ever nurse. Wondering if she was going to be okay once we brought her home. Tensing up before every pediatric or preemie clinic appointment for fear they were going to tell me some sort of bad news.
And there we were, walking in that arena, in support of the group that was there to support me. For thanks to Collette. For thanks to the Innovis NICU. For hope that all the other babies born prematurely can have as good or better an outcome as Haley. For thanks to God that he chose to work a miracle in my baby's life. For me to have one more thing to be emotional about. :o)
As I drove away, along with trying to hide the fact I was crying for fear someone would see me in the minivan and think "That soccer Mom has done gone and lost it.....", I felt a sense of closure. A chapter in our lives is coming to an end, and it's time to start writing the rest of the story.
Stay tuned.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
My Morning Workout
How could you not love a God who has a crazy sense of humor, and a creative talent for grabbing your attention?
This morning started differently than other mornings. First of all, it’s trash and recycling day, which for some reason always makes me anxious. I just want to make sure Brent takes everything to the curb so I don’t have to. I had a bad experience once, where the garbage can rolled away from me….I slid…..I’m pretty much scarred for life. My tailbone hurts just thinking about it. Along with that, though, Brent woke up super early to attend the Bible study that meets at 6:30 on Wednesday mornings. This 1) makes me so proud and honored to have married such a God-fearing husband and 2) means I am flying solo in getting myself and Haley ready for the day.
I sauntered out to the kitchen at about 6:30 after finally rolling out of bed. I’ve been called a lot of things and “morning person” has never been one of them. It takes me about three hours to wake up, and that’s only after I’ve had the required 10 hours of sleep. It makes for some interesting days. I walked over to the coffee pot and noticed the clock wasn’t greeting me with the time.
Hmmm. I blinked, because surely it was just the fact I'm nearly blind without my glasses that I couldn't see the clock. Blinking didn't fix it.
I pushed a few buttons. Nothing. I pushed different buttons, and harder. It was plugged in – I unplugged and replugged. Nothing.
No. Oh man, no coffee?! Oh man…
I stood, dazed, and in slow motion reached behind me to open the fridge. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. I opened the fridge door – and – no light. Nothing. Our outlets on this one circuit of our kitchen decided to take the day off. I know Brent had been in the fridge, and the air was still cool, so this is something that had to have happened within the previous thirty minutes.
I tried to gather my thoughts and figure out the best way to fix the situation. First I texted my husband what was going on and ended with "I don't know what to do." Those are always the most encouraging "Good morning!" texts you can send your spouse. You heard it here first.
I then went down to the basement and checked our circuit breakers. Every one of them was in-tact. I decided they obviously must NOT be in-tact, and I should reset the kitchen ones just to be sure. Still no working fridge. Still no brewing coffee. I pushed the reset button – several times – on the outlet the coffee maker plugs in to. Nothing. I did the only logical thing left to do at that point. I pulled the fridge out from the wall and moved it to the opposite side of the kitchen. By myself. I crawled over the table, I crawled under the table, I lifted chairs out of the way, I played Superwoman, and I played her well. I didn’t have time to mess with the situation, and I needed to plug the fridge in to an outlet that worked so we wouldn’t lose all of our perishable items, and so the items that have already perished, could stay chilled and not stink up my kitchen. Not saying I have things like that in my fridge.....but it's always a possibility.
I went about getting ready for work and getting Haley ready for the sitter. I texted my dad a photo of the fridge in it’s temporary new home and he was of course texting me with fatherly instructions to check the breaker box and reset the GFI outlet. I love that I thought to do those things first. I don’t love that after knowing me for 30 years, Dad doesn’t think he taught me well enough to think to do those things first.
I was able to get myself together and get a few snuggles in before heading out the door. I dropped Haley off at the sitter’s and made it on time to my work meeting this morning. Just another day at the office.
I went home at lunch and looked at the empty spot where the fridge normally is. The paint is scorched on the wall, so we obviously have it too close to the back wall. I glanced down at the floor, and quickly wished I hadn’t. The floor. Was. Disgusting. Dust, dirt, hair, food, filth. I grabbed the broom, the Swiffer, and the bottle of Whistle and got to work. Once I had the area cleaned up, I went back to the GFI outlet and pushed the reset button again – to test my (in)sanity.
Power. The coffee maker clock started blinking. And you wouldn’t work for me earlier when I did this, because…..?
“Because you needed to clean your kitchen floor, dust off your refrigerator, and take care of the potential hazard. Plus, I wanted you to check in with me for some energy instead of your coffee cup.”
Oh! Well! Of course!
I don’t know how often you’re supposed to dust underneath, behind, and around your refrigerator, but after today, I’m almost positive you’re supposed to do it more often than never. Lesson learned.
I also found it interesting - and humorous - how dependent I am on a few appliances. The fridge, yeah, that's a given. But my beloved coffee pot. I love it, because it gives me warmth and comfort with which to start my day. But you know what else could fill that need on a deeper level? Starting my day in the arms of my Maker, and in the pages of His love letter to me. Lesson learned.
I believe God tests us and I believe today was a test of how I handle myself when things feel out of my control. I'm not sure I passed with flying colors (Brent pointed out we have extension cords...yeah, well, they don't make for upper body strength testing, sweetheart....) but I appreciate I was able to not stress out about the situation, and handle it with the humored spirit that enveloped me today.
Plus, I found a coupon for a free appetizer at LoneStar Steakhouse. Too bad it expired in July of 2009....
This morning started differently than other mornings. First of all, it’s trash and recycling day, which for some reason always makes me anxious. I just want to make sure Brent takes everything to the curb so I don’t have to. I had a bad experience once, where the garbage can rolled away from me….I slid…..I’m pretty much scarred for life. My tailbone hurts just thinking about it. Along with that, though, Brent woke up super early to attend the Bible study that meets at 6:30 on Wednesday mornings. This 1) makes me so proud and honored to have married such a God-fearing husband and 2) means I am flying solo in getting myself and Haley ready for the day.
I sauntered out to the kitchen at about 6:30 after finally rolling out of bed. I’ve been called a lot of things and “morning person” has never been one of them. It takes me about three hours to wake up, and that’s only after I’ve had the required 10 hours of sleep. It makes for some interesting days. I walked over to the coffee pot and noticed the clock wasn’t greeting me with the time.
Hmmm. I blinked, because surely it was just the fact I'm nearly blind without my glasses that I couldn't see the clock. Blinking didn't fix it.
I pushed a few buttons. Nothing. I pushed different buttons, and harder. It was plugged in – I unplugged and replugged. Nothing.
No. Oh man, no coffee?! Oh man…
I stood, dazed, and in slow motion reached behind me to open the fridge. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. Please don’t let this be what I think it is. I opened the fridge door – and – no light. Nothing. Our outlets on this one circuit of our kitchen decided to take the day off. I know Brent had been in the fridge, and the air was still cool, so this is something that had to have happened within the previous thirty minutes.
I tried to gather my thoughts and figure out the best way to fix the situation. First I texted my husband what was going on and ended with "I don't know what to do." Those are always the most encouraging "Good morning!" texts you can send your spouse. You heard it here first.
I then went down to the basement and checked our circuit breakers. Every one of them was in-tact. I decided they obviously must NOT be in-tact, and I should reset the kitchen ones just to be sure. Still no working fridge. Still no brewing coffee. I pushed the reset button – several times – on the outlet the coffee maker plugs in to. Nothing. I did the only logical thing left to do at that point. I pulled the fridge out from the wall and moved it to the opposite side of the kitchen. By myself. I crawled over the table, I crawled under the table, I lifted chairs out of the way, I played Superwoman, and I played her well. I didn’t have time to mess with the situation, and I needed to plug the fridge in to an outlet that worked so we wouldn’t lose all of our perishable items, and so the items that have already perished, could stay chilled and not stink up my kitchen. Not saying I have things like that in my fridge.....but it's always a possibility.
I went about getting ready for work and getting Haley ready for the sitter. I texted my dad a photo of the fridge in it’s temporary new home and he was of course texting me with fatherly instructions to check the breaker box and reset the GFI outlet. I love that I thought to do those things first. I don’t love that after knowing me for 30 years, Dad doesn’t think he taught me well enough to think to do those things first.
I was able to get myself together and get a few snuggles in before heading out the door. I dropped Haley off at the sitter’s and made it on time to my work meeting this morning. Just another day at the office.
I went home at lunch and looked at the empty spot where the fridge normally is. The paint is scorched on the wall, so we obviously have it too close to the back wall. I glanced down at the floor, and quickly wished I hadn’t. The floor. Was. Disgusting. Dust, dirt, hair, food, filth. I grabbed the broom, the Swiffer, and the bottle of Whistle and got to work. Once I had the area cleaned up, I went back to the GFI outlet and pushed the reset button again – to test my (in)sanity.
Power. The coffee maker clock started blinking. And you wouldn’t work for me earlier when I did this, because…..?
“Because you needed to clean your kitchen floor, dust off your refrigerator, and take care of the potential hazard. Plus, I wanted you to check in with me for some energy instead of your coffee cup.”
Oh! Well! Of course!
I don’t know how often you’re supposed to dust underneath, behind, and around your refrigerator, but after today, I’m almost positive you’re supposed to do it more often than never. Lesson learned.
I also found it interesting - and humorous - how dependent I am on a few appliances. The fridge, yeah, that's a given. But my beloved coffee pot. I love it, because it gives me warmth and comfort with which to start my day. But you know what else could fill that need on a deeper level? Starting my day in the arms of my Maker, and in the pages of His love letter to me. Lesson learned.
I believe God tests us and I believe today was a test of how I handle myself when things feel out of my control. I'm not sure I passed with flying colors (Brent pointed out we have extension cords...yeah, well, they don't make for upper body strength testing, sweetheart....) but I appreciate I was able to not stress out about the situation, and handle it with the humored spirit that enveloped me today.
Plus, I found a coupon for a free appetizer at LoneStar Steakhouse. Too bad it expired in July of 2009....
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Febru-ailing
What a month this has been! We have had key positions leave our department (read: people quit) which has more or less tripled my workload and squared-infinity my insanity levels. I always appreciate intellectual challenges but not all at once, and not involving things that actually matter. (read: other people's livelihood)
(read: I like to do this "read:" thing.)
The month began with Haley reaching a few more milestones - crawling on her hands and knees rather than army crawling around. Moving from crawling to sitting with grace and poise. Pulling herself up to stand on anything and everything. Finally drinking water and not pursing her lips. She sat in a highchair at a restaurant for the first time, and now - she is sprouting her first tooth. Lord have mercy. The fever. The coughing. The congestion. The moodiness. The absolute "visible miserable" she has to endure. It's heartbreaking! You can barely see the tooth, and if you don't know what you're looking for, you'll definitely miss it. She sleeps all the time, cries all the time - over nothing and everything all at once - only wants to eat on her terms, and stuff that isn't as good for her as what mommy wants to feed her.....she is 11 months old (tomorrow!) going on 14. She cries when she's not getting enough attention, then cries harder when you give her attention because it's not the right attention, then cries even harder when you stop giving her attention after she scolded you for how you were giving her attention. Even I can't figure this out, and I have first-hand experience with over-the-top-emoting.
I feel so bad for her - we're doing what we can with Tylenol, Orajel, and TLC. One tooth in the works - 31 more to go. Brent and I are passing a cold back and forth - since Christmas, I believe. It seems we can't get it out of our system. It's the gift that keeps on giving. We're both tired of it, and just want it to go away. Stocking up on Airborne and multi-vitamins hasn't done the trick yet, but I imagine the end is in sight for this little cold. Please.
Brent and I had a fantastic Valentine's day. We've been together 10 years and have learned to celebrate every day instead of only once a year. (Insert cheese-o-meter here.) We did take some time out to pamper ourselves, though, and I treated Brent to his first-ever pedicure. Afterwards I asked him what he thought. "I wouldn't mind having another one. *dramatic pause* Weekly." Score! We wanted to enjoy a dinner of Red Lobster cheese biscuits with a side of crab legs and lobster tails for the special evening, but since they don't take reservations or call-ahead seating, and since we wanted to eat before 10 p.m., we ordered to go. I have to say, those biscuits make any occasion special. God bless the garlic cheese combination. And crab legs in butter. Brent also surprised me with a generous gift certificate to my favorite nail salon and I have beautiful nails now. Nothing says "I Love You" like nailpolish.
I've spent the last few weekends making my own baby food. Not "my own" as in for me, but my own as in for Haley, avoiding purchasing any pre-made foods at the grocery store. (Save for prunes. Have to have those handy sometimes.) So far my favorite creation is the avocado creations. I love turning avocados in to baby food, because it gives me an excuse to make guacamole, which is the greatest condiment on the face of the planet. My favorite creation thus far is the Jersey Sweet Potatoes/Banana combination. Add a Nilla Wafer, and it's like healthy banana pudding.
The big news is we got rid of the Slowpaz - Brent's faithful car for the last 15 years. The best news of all - someone actually paid us money, instead of us having to pay someone to take it off our hands. Hallelujah! We bought a Buick Terrazza that we've had problem after problem with, but after removing the astrostart *tear* it seems to be running smoothly. Now we have a minivan that tries not to look like a minivan, but has all the convenience of one, and we're okay with that.
Now begins the planning stages for our little one's first birthday next month. I can't believe it's been a year since that scary weekend in the hospital. Brent and I will soon be shopping for her special gift, and sending out invitations to her low-key, but still very special, celebration.
Party America, I'm coming to browse your aisles!
(read: I like to do this "read:" thing.)
The month began with Haley reaching a few more milestones - crawling on her hands and knees rather than army crawling around. Moving from crawling to sitting with grace and poise. Pulling herself up to stand on anything and everything. Finally drinking water and not pursing her lips. She sat in a highchair at a restaurant for the first time, and now - she is sprouting her first tooth. Lord have mercy. The fever. The coughing. The congestion. The moodiness. The absolute "visible miserable" she has to endure. It's heartbreaking! You can barely see the tooth, and if you don't know what you're looking for, you'll definitely miss it. She sleeps all the time, cries all the time - over nothing and everything all at once - only wants to eat on her terms, and stuff that isn't as good for her as what mommy wants to feed her.....she is 11 months old (tomorrow!) going on 14. She cries when she's not getting enough attention, then cries harder when you give her attention because it's not the right attention, then cries even harder when you stop giving her attention after she scolded you for how you were giving her attention. Even I can't figure this out, and I have first-hand experience with over-the-top-emoting.
I feel so bad for her - we're doing what we can with Tylenol, Orajel, and TLC. One tooth in the works - 31 more to go. Brent and I are passing a cold back and forth - since Christmas, I believe. It seems we can't get it out of our system. It's the gift that keeps on giving. We're both tired of it, and just want it to go away. Stocking up on Airborne and multi-vitamins hasn't done the trick yet, but I imagine the end is in sight for this little cold. Please.
Brent and I had a fantastic Valentine's day. We've been together 10 years and have learned to celebrate every day instead of only once a year. (Insert cheese-o-meter here.) We did take some time out to pamper ourselves, though, and I treated Brent to his first-ever pedicure. Afterwards I asked him what he thought. "I wouldn't mind having another one. *dramatic pause* Weekly." Score! We wanted to enjoy a dinner of Red Lobster cheese biscuits with a side of crab legs and lobster tails for the special evening, but since they don't take reservations or call-ahead seating, and since we wanted to eat before 10 p.m., we ordered to go. I have to say, those biscuits make any occasion special. God bless the garlic cheese combination. And crab legs in butter. Brent also surprised me with a generous gift certificate to my favorite nail salon and I have beautiful nails now. Nothing says "I Love You" like nailpolish.
I've spent the last few weekends making my own baby food. Not "my own" as in for me, but my own as in for Haley, avoiding purchasing any pre-made foods at the grocery store. (Save for prunes. Have to have those handy sometimes.) So far my favorite creation is the avocado creations. I love turning avocados in to baby food, because it gives me an excuse to make guacamole, which is the greatest condiment on the face of the planet. My favorite creation thus far is the Jersey Sweet Potatoes/Banana combination. Add a Nilla Wafer, and it's like healthy banana pudding.
The big news is we got rid of the Slowpaz - Brent's faithful car for the last 15 years. The best news of all - someone actually paid us money, instead of us having to pay someone to take it off our hands. Hallelujah! We bought a Buick Terrazza that we've had problem after problem with, but after removing the astrostart *tear* it seems to be running smoothly. Now we have a minivan that tries not to look like a minivan, but has all the convenience of one, and we're okay with that.
Now begins the planning stages for our little one's first birthday next month. I can't believe it's been a year since that scary weekend in the hospital. Brent and I will soon be shopping for her special gift, and sending out invitations to her low-key, but still very special, celebration.
Party America, I'm coming to browse your aisles!
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