{31 Days: Day 14} Fruit of Forbearance

While fruits of the Spirit listed in the Galatians verse include patience and self-control, it also includes forbearance. Forbearance is self-controlled patience in superhuman levels. At least that is how I portray it in my mind. Also known as "longsuffering", it is not only the practice of patience and self-control, but the refusal to act impatient or on impulse.

Guess who is an impatient spur-of-the-moment reactor to most everything? Yep....me. I am quick to retort. Quick to sass. Quick to point out the flaws of others. Quick to give up on the things and people who disappoint me. Impatient. Done.

Since losing Harlynn, however, I've been better able to reign in my reckless reactionary behavior, and give myself a second or two to decide if spouting off in one way or another is going to improve the situation. Most often, it won't. Forbearance, in a nutshell, is turning the other cheek. 

To the idiot who cut me off, I might only sigh and shake my head rather than honk my horn and show my tallest finger. To the family member who dropped an egg on the floor, I clean it up for them rather than yell about the mess and the salmonella germs floating on my floor. To the person who says the wrong thing, at the wrong time - especially while trying to be a "friend" in my grief moments - I give them the benefit of the doubt. 

It's going beyond biting my tongue. It's showing mercy. Forgiveness. Giving myself grace so I can extend the same to others. God demonstrates forbearance towards us (Romans 3:25). Rather than throttling us, he calls us to repentance. 

Forbearance is letting go of my road rage. Smiling and waving rather than yelling and calling names. Letting those who have hurt me see over the walls I've built around my heart. Even letting them in a time or two. Extending grace to those who drive me batty. Finishing 17 more consecutive days of posting my mind mumbles. Longsuffering. Dear gracious. Forbearance is a fruit worth bearing, though I find I have a lot of pruning to do to get there.

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{31 Days: Day 13} Peace

There is an old hymn that comes to mind every time I think of peace. Fittingly, it's called, "Peace, Perfect Peace." The words are as follows:

Peace, perfect peace, in this dark world of sin?

The blood of Jesus whispers peace within.

Peace, perfect peace, by thronging duties pressed?

To do the will of Jesus, this is rest.

Peace, perfect peace, with sorrows surging round?

On Jesus' bosom naught but calm is found.

Peace, perfect peace, with loved ones far away?

In Jesus' keeping we are safe, and they.

Peace, perfect peace, our future all unknown?

Jesus we know, and He is on the throne.

Peace, perfect peace, death shadowing us and ours?

Jesus has vanquished death and all its powers.

It is enough: earth's struggles soon shall cease,

And Jesus call us to Heaven's perfect peace.

Pretty much every question that weighs on my heart, Mr. Edward Bickersteth Jr. answered with a promise of peace when he penned this hymn in 1875. It shouldn't surprise me that the questions I ask today in 2014 were on the hearts of people in 1875. It shouldn't. But somehow it does. My problems, my fears, my anxieties are not unique to me. They are age-old, incredibly mortal, and common. The reflection of peace, however, is not a first resort.

To bear the fruit of peace, you must allow yourself to savor it first. Instead of being consumed by worry, anxiety, fear, anger, bitterness, rebellion....you must allow yourself to be consumed by peace. Believe me...easier said than done. I know. Oh, how I know. When presented with any scenario, my immediate and initial reaction is to counter with, "Yeah, but...." 

And do you know what I've realized? I try to produce my own peace. Half of my anxiety is developed because I'm frantically trying to whip my own peace out of thin air, and I can't, and it makes me angry. I search inwardly instead of upwardly. I cannot give myself what I cannot create myself. His peace passes all understanding. My peace doesn't exist. I'm looking in the wrong place. I don't have peace, I accept it from Him. I don't make peace, I seek it from Him. Peace is a gift. Being a peacemaker is a fruitful act of obedience. 

Our Harlynn-verse, John 16:33, begins with "I have told you these things so that IN ME you may have peace." (emphasis mine) 

To produce the fruit of peace, you must first receive it. To receive it, you must be in Christ. He is the vine, we are the branches. Branches waiting to bear fruit. Fruit of peace.

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{31 Days: Day 12} Joy

Of course. Of course I would choose to do a posting series on the fruit of the Spirit and then land on joy, and feel anything other than joy. Bear with me. I'm gonna try this anyway.

Today is my birthday. I'm 34 years old today. That in itself doesn't bother me. It hasn't been a great day, though. Not a bad day, or anything like that - just a few not-great hiccups. Also, I miss my baby girl. Joy, for me, doesn't exactly roll off my tongue. Not in this season.

Here's where I'm at today. Where David was in Psalm 42. "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng."

I remember. I remember those days when I felt like I was so close to "arriving". So close to God. So close to having my spiritual journey all mapped out. So close. I remember my heart being absolutely overflowing beyond full. I remember how I used to go to the house of God with shouts of joy and praise. I remember those days, and oh, how I long for them again.

I want to be back there. I want to be part of who I was before. And maybe I will be. Maybe I'll get there. But how? When I know too much, and when I feel too hurt, how do I get to taste, and even produce, the fruit of joy? Romans 15:13 says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Trust. Trust, trust, trust. As I trust, not only will I overflow with hope, but all joy. Peace. Power.

I don't know where the rest of you are in your journey. I don't know if you've had a great day, an okay day, or if you're in some of the darkest days of your life. But I do know this: You are not alone. He's waiting to catch you. Fall into his arms. Though the sorrow may last through the night, joy comes in the morning.

When we find our joy, let's be sure to share it. No sense in withholding from others what we've sought so long to obtain. 

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