It has been a long week. I mean a really long week. Here I sit, on a Friday night, exhausted! Allow me to decompress some...
In all honesty, I kind of blanked out what happened on Monday. I don't remember it. I was really sick on Sunday, and went to work Monday and probably shouldn't have. I survived it, though! Phew!
Tuesday was a fairly productive day for me. I worked out after work, and really worked up a sweat. I was breathing heavy and wiping my brow, wondering how on earth people can do things like that on a regular basis. It was a really good workout, and I had started to feel so much better. Afterwards I called my husband and then my sister on my drive home. (Don't tell Mom I was talking and driving...) I went home, and somewhere between the garage and the door to my house, I lost my phone. It had disappeared. We tried calling it, I looked all over for it - it was gone. How does one lose a phone in that short span of time?!
Wednesday came and we had an extra pair of hands in the office trying to help us get our filing under control. I don't know who was in this position before me, but when I have to sort through several piles of paper, several inches high (some over one foot tall!), I would venture to say that she kind of stunk at filing. I saw notes that said, "Please file in xxxxxxx." And "Please place this in the xxxxxx file." Yet, there it was just tossed on to a flat surface. The notes I saw didn't say, "Hey just throw these on an available surface and let things pile up forever and ever." Inches and inches and inches. Feet of paper piles! It was horrible.
I had Bible study Wednesday night (Beth Moore's study on Esther - phenomenal!) and told everyone in the group I had to leave as soon as it was over because I needed to make a lasagna for the potluck at work the following day. The study ended and I was asked if I had any prayer requests. I answered, "This may seem pathetic, but please pray I find my phone." (I am leaving for a road trip next week, and it's the only phone I have, and it's hard to be without it!) They assured me they would pray. I left and headed home, having to be very careful because of all the ice on the streets. I forget ~ why do I live here, especially during the winter?? I finally made it home, walked inside, and took off my shoes. I glanced down and saw the boots I had worn the previous day.
Don't ask me why, but I felt compelled to reach inside one of my boots. Wouldn't you know it - there was my phone! My phone was in my boot! What in the world?! These boots were made for talkin'? I was so excited, and said a few "Thank you, Jesus!", while I ran downstairs to show Brent I had found my phone after I had specifically asked for prayer to find it! Brent was watching television so I sat down to join him while I went through my missed calls, texts, voicemails, etc. We started to watch some of the shows we had on DVR and get caught up on our goofy television. Soon enough it was 10:20, we were both exhausted and it was time for bed.
We went upstairs, said goodnight, and got settled in. The bed was nice and toasty and I could tell by the way Brent was breathing he was just falling asleep. I looked at the clock (and saw it was 10:38 pm), then suddenly sat straight up in bed and gasped. "CRAP!" A muffled, "wha?" from Brent was answered with, "I was supposed to make a lasagna!" I flew out of bed and ran downstairs. As my husband fumbled for his glasses and pulled back his covers he hollered, "Do you need help?" and within seconds was in the kitchen to help me.
I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just buy something at the store the next morning? Well - I just don't operate like that. I had bought all of the ingredients special, specifically for this potluck, so I had to make it. I just had to. And my mother did a fantastic job raising me - I mean, obviously, right? - but after being raised on frozen food and take out, I just feel compelled to cook! I don't like the fast fix the majority of the time.
Brent was a rockstar. He helped me chop the onion and garlic, helped me make the cheese sauce, flipped the chicken in the skillet while I made an 11:00 p.m. run to the store for one thing I had forgotten, and helped me assemble the lasagna. (Chicken & Spinach lasagna, btw. Fabulous!) 11:30 I popped that thing in the oven, and kissed Brent goodnight while he sauntered back up to bed. I had to stay up for another 40 minutes while it baked, then let it cool a while before putting in the fridge. I got to bed at about 12:45.
Thursday's alarm came all too soon. I was tired. And boy was I crabby. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't shake of my tiredness, and it made it hard for me to be chipper. Helper-lady from out of town was back in the filing and I was really struggling to continue encouraging her. She did awesome and I'm so thankful for her time spent helping us. All that aside, there were some other things that went on throughout the day. I had my feelings hurt pretty badly, and it was just a really rough workday. I struggled all day to hold it together. I won't go in to detail, but trust me - you wouldn't have liked it either.
The lasagna was a big hit, by the way. If it hadn't have turned out, or if people didn't like it - I think I might have cried right there at lunch.
Thursday night was supposed to be workout night again. I changed my clothes and was ready to head down to the big room when one of the employees came back to tell me that we weren't going to workout after all. I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't. It was just one more thing on top of a cruddy day, and I just had to get out of there as soon as possible so I wouldn't start crying in front of her and make her feel bad.
Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry.
I held it back all the way home, but once I pulled in to the garage I just let loose. We're talking sobbing noises from deep within my soul. Gut-reeling-body-shaking sobs. Why do I have to put on a face for other people when all I want to do is poke somebody in the eye? Why is it my responsibility to maintain a cheerful environment for the sake of other people when I'm not granted the same luxury? Why, oh why, God, is my life so difficult?! So complicated?!
Sniffle. Deep breath. Wipe the runny mascara.
We all have our long days and our hard weeks and our difficult situations. Despite what my hotmail address implies, I really am not wonder woman. I sometimes don't hold it all together - especially during that special time we've labeled as "PMS". I fall apart once in a while. I collapse under pressure now and then. I sometimes am forced to take what is beyond my limits to put up with.
But I love my life ~ and I love the God who gave me life.
Despite the setbacks, and despite the need for a good hard cry now and again - I am so very blessed. After all, I make a killer lasagna and have the best husband in the universe. Thank you, Jesus!
Psalm 55:22 - Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.