Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Yesterday was a little different for me. The first entire day of no family members here. The first thing I did after waking up to pump, was go right back to sleep. Exciting, isn't it? Truth be told I most likely over-did it yesterday with my activity, but it all started with a morning nap.
I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself since I didn't have any family to share tasks with. I folded the towels Brent brought upstairs, I put my laundry away, I filled out Haley's month of March on the "My First Year" calendar we bought, I put an ultrasound picture in one of the frames we got as a gift, I cleaned off our dining table, I did the dishes, I put Haley's blankets in her closet, and I sat and knit. Our neighbors from across the street came over to drop off a gift (it was so sweet of them) and I received a package via UPS from some family in Oregon. It was a busy day! But it felt....weird. Being home alone, without Haley, just doesn't really feel right.
At 3:30 I got a ride to the NICU and sat and kangaroo-cared my little girl for about an hour. Kangaroo care is the absolute best. Holding my baby, right up against me, is an experience I can't really explain. She fits right inside my shirt, and just snuggles. Her little hands move and tickle my skin. I can feel her breathing. I can bend down and kiss her any time I feel like it (which happens to be quite a lot). It's a bonding experience I don't take lightly. We can't sit far from her isolette, because she's hooked up to a few monitors and an IV and we can't pull on them too tightly. So we sit there, in the rocking chair, just the two of us. Sometimes I talk to her, sometimes I hum, sometimes I even sing. She squeaks occasionally, or sighs, but mostly she just sleeps. Sometimes I start singing "You Are My Sunshine" but I have yet to make it through that song without crying. I sang it to her while I was pregnant, and now that she's here it's all I can do to choke out the words.
Brent came to the NICU after he was done with work and sat with his girls for a bit before we had to head home. We had some friends from church bringing us dinner and had to make sure we were there to get it. (It was delicious, by the way!)
We headed to bath time last night, and it was my turn to bathe her. Brent and I take turns every night for who gets to give her the bath and change her diaper. Last night was me. She was fast asleep when we got there, but once we started the bath she woke up. Those eyes - those big eyes! We love it when she looks at us and is so alert. I got her all bathed and it was time to change her diaper. Two words: PREEMIE BLOWOUT. It was the cutest, smallest, biggest poop you've ever seen!! Brent was thankful that it was on my watch and not his. Poops are very exciting for us, because it means she's digesting and processing her feedings. And they don't even stink yet! I got her diaper changed and it was time to hold and cuddle her.
Brent wrapped her in her swaddling blanket (he's really good at the whole swaddling thing!) and the nurse handed Brent the syringe that would hold her 14 mils of food. 14 mils!! He held the syringe until it emptied into her gavage tube, and held and rocked her until she fell asleep. I love watching him hold her and talk to her. He's so in love with her, and it just makes me weak in the knees to watch him fawn over Haley. It just about brings me to tears to hear him tell her he loves her or to hear him say things like, "I can't wait until she comes home."
We kissed her good night and tucked her back in to her isolette. She is doing so great, and we love her so stinkin' much. We have no idea when we'll be able to bring her home, but we don't anticipate it being anything past her original due date. Hopefully sooner, but it's all up to her at this point.
Some specific things to pray for: That Haley would begin to suckle, and be able to suckle, swallow, and breathe simultaneously in due time. That she would continue to gain weight appropriately and reach the milestones to move her to a crib, and to bring her that much closer to coming home. That Brent and I would be prepared to bring her home when the time comes and that we can be the parents God has called us to be - that we can keep her safe and healthy, and give her a great start to life here at home. Thank you all for your prayers and your support!