Last year at this time when I would sit to blog, my two cats would cozy up against me and try to lay across the keyboard so I would pet them instead of type. It was sweet. Annoying, but sweet. I can't tell you how much sweeter it is to have Haley asleep on my chest as I sit here and type. Being a mom to this miraculous little girl is far more rewarding than I ever thought it could be, and fills my heart more than even my two adorable, though annoying, cats ever could.
Haley is smiling a lot. She hears Brent's voice and immediately breaks into a giant grin. She loves when I talk to her while changing her diaper and smiles so big! She's right on the cusp of giggling, but we haven't hit that mark yet. I imagine once I hear her giggle, it will be the sweetest sound to ever fall upon my ears. A lot sweeter than this ultrasonic high-pitched scream she's pegged for when she's really upset.
I'm in my fourth week back to work. It's funny to me how easy it is to fall back into the same rush-rush-hurry-get-it-all-done mindset. I have to remind myself, quite frequently, to slow down and remember there are more important things waiting for me and requiring my energy when the work day is over. I love when people ask how Haley is doing so I can share her story with them. I love when people are so moved by our little miracle, they share in the awe and joy that she is. I love when I can say, "We had hundreds and hundreds of people praying for us, and God graciously answered those prayers." I love when people agree that Haley's life is a miracle and the fact that I'm still alive leaves no room to doubt God's healing hand.
I also love it when others share with me how God has transformed their lives. It happened today.
I was sitting at my desk, leaned back in my chair and sorting data in Excel. You want to be me - I can sense it. It's pretty exciting being me on a weekday afternoon, let me tell you. He came in, wearing a red, white, and blue cap, complete with stars and stripes. His matching leather jacket had ATLANTA on the back. He carried his tattered briefcase in one hand, and reached back to his ponytail with the other.
"Hi there - can I help you?" I couldn't see his eyes through his tinted aviator style sunglasses he was wearing, but he turned his head toward me.
"Is Jess gone?"
"Yes, he actually just left for the day. Is there something I can help you with, though?"
He came and stood in my doorway as I casually slipped my shoes back on underneath my desk and he went on to explain something about mineral rights, 1200 barrels of oil a day, and needing to talk about his portfolio. I couldn't help him, but I told him when Jess would be back and that he was welcome to stop by again at that time. He hesitated before he spoke again.
"That's a nice scripture verse you've got on your wall there."
"Oh...I need to put it in a place I can see it more often as my gentle daily reminder....."
I have 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 printed on a piece of paper that I taped up to the wall behind my desk. I taped it up there when I was pregnant and always mad at everyone for everything.
He stared at the paper for a bit before telling me, "I have a beautiful relationship with the Lord..." and he began his story. He talked really fast, and at times it was hard for me to know exactly what he was saying. I heard enough of his story to know it was an incredible journey he'd been on, though. I won't tell you his whole story but I will tell you the part that gave me goosebumps. As he stood there in my doorway sharing his testimony with me, he had tears that fell from behind those tinted shades and disappeared into his grizzly beard. His voice never cracked, but every word was saturated with genuine purpose and emotion. This guy was the real deal.
We talked for a bit before he went on his way and I sat there at my desk in awe of God and how He reels me back in with profound reminders of His awesome power. Like I said, it's funny to me how easy it is to fall back into the rush-rush-hurry-get-it-done mindset. It's awesome, though, when God gives me a break from the hustle and bustle to witness his amazing grace and power.
I don't know why things happen the way they do, or when they do, or how they do. In my experience, though, just knowing that they happen and that they have a purpose, is enough. He is enough.
May you always have enough.