This morning when I woke up and the sun was pouring in through the windows, I had a bout of nostalgia (well, when I say it like that, it sounds like an illness....) from days gone by. I remember when Brent and I lived in our "perfect" apartment in Wyoming. I was working nights as either a bartender or waitress, and mostly late mornings or afternoons at the Game & Fish office. I would wake up and he would already be gone for the day, the sun would be shining, and I would start my morning with a cup of hot lemon water, a devotional, then get to work tidying our abode. I usually had a stash of candles in the freezer (they burn straighter across if you freeze them first - you're welcome), and would take out whatever scent I was fancying, let it thaw, and clean by candlelight. Really, it was by sunlight, but the added ambiance of open flame and cinnamon aroma always made cleaning more fun. There were usually deer grazing in the back yard, I had my Third Day CD playing on repeat, and it was just such a peaceful, restorative time in my life. This morning, I was mentally transported back to that time and just had a sense of "the good ol' days".
As my hips snapped, crackled, and popped upon rising out of bed, and as I waddled to the bathroom to relieve myself of an overactive pregnant bladder, I thought, "Were those really the good ol' days, though?" I often reflect on those days. There was something about starting my day on my own time, having the small, cozy space to be responsible for, (having an attached garage...), watching the deer in the yard, seeing the mountains directly outside my kitchen window, and burning candles every day. As trite or simple as it may seem, it really was such a peaceful time in my life.
This morning, there was a zumba party in my belly. I had a toddler who wouldn't hug me, because she missed her daddy too much. I made her a waffle as she requested, then she warmed up to the idea of a morning hug. We prayed and thanked God for the beautiful morning sunshine (and the waffles, per toddler instruction). I brewed myself some decaf and added a little (lot) vanilla creamer. I went downstairs and got to work on bookkeeping and training while Little Miss dressed as Belle and spelled words on the iPad. Nap time was boycotted for the second day in a row. We made time to play outside as I barbecued our dinner because it was so ridiculously warm and springly outside. I ate five of eight crescent rolls I served with our dinner. Five. In addition to my steak and potatoes. I cook over open flame outside, but I no longer burn candles inside, because I am paranoid of potential disasters when mixing open flame and little children. I clean when my hips let me move or when my feet aren't puffy in protest of me standing too long. My home isn't sparkling or spotless like our little apartment was, but it's cozy and it passes (most) health codes, I'm sure. And here, I wouldn't want to give any of this up, or trade it for another morning of days gone by.
|Taking a breather after the first bike ride of the year!|
As I look back on my day, and really, on my life, I think these are the good ol' days. We've been through some tough trenches, we're still fighting our way to even survive through some days, but the blessing of sunshine and nonsense and a splash of disorder have brought me around to a new "good". We may have had the perfect apartment back then, but we didn't have so great a marriage. We didn't have our miracle, Little Miss. We didn't have Harlynn. We didn't have the faith roots we have now. We didn't have the expectation of Little Man's arrival. We did have mountains though....oh, prairie land, how I long for some topography....
(I found this picture on "The Google" and it isn't an exact view, but it is exceptionally close, and those are the very same mountains I saw from my kitchen and back yard every single day. Hi, Mountains! I miss you!)
Maybe I'll go buy a candle to freeze so I can burn it while I clean after child bedtime. Maybe I'll just turn on my scentsy lamp and some classical music, and get to drinking that hot lemon water as I read my Bible. Maybe I'll withhold waffle making until my hug payment is made up front. Maybe I'll keep doing what I'm doing to make sure that these...each present day...are the good ol' days.