Fried

Today I'm changing the spelling of Friday to Frieday. I. Am. Fried. I can't think, I can't even muster up enough strength to push my cat away. She is standing on my chest as I recline in the sofa, and her body is completely against my face and I'm typing blindly. She must be starved for attention. Or something.

Now she's laying on my arm. It's a pretty intense life I live - giving play-by-plays of my cat's quirky behavior.

Here in Nodak, we've been having an exceptionally dreary winter. Record snowfall, record low temps, and hardly any sunshine. I don't care that it's cold. But usually it doesn't get THIS cold until later in January, or mid February. So we've been there, done that, and we're tired of it. We're ready to move on to greener and warmer things. After the last few weeks I've had, I think it's safe to say that I've had a brain freeze, and not from eating ice cream. Ooooh, ice cream sounds good. I digress.

Last night I had one of my lame a-ha! moments. If you're a normal human being, you pass gas - several times a day. (I know. You're wondering where I'm going with this. Frankly, so am I.) It's natural, but so inconvienient, and most times, disturbing to say the least. A lot of the time, if you can just excuse yourself to outside, no one will ever know why, or what you did.

Here's my beef.

It's so stinking cold in Nodak these days. So very cold. When it's not too painful to breathe, you breath becomes very visible. When you take your glove off outside, steam comes pouring out of your hand into the frigid air.

And lo (Ali....I still use that, and it still makes me laugh so hard), if you go outside to pass gas, PEOPLE WILL SEE STEAM EMITTING FROM YOUR BOTTOM! They will know exactly what you're doing, and even though they have to break wind every once in a while too, they can't help but think less of you.

This reminds me of a totally random story. (I told you I was fried) One winter in Wyoming, I was housesitting/dogsitting for a lady and her husband. They lived out in the country on a plot of acreage. Their neighbors had several horses that were always turned out to pasture. I was outside with the dogs one morning, encouraging them to take care of business, and I noticed one of the horses raise it's tail. I thought for sure it was going to make some doo there in the pasture - but lo! No, even! It let a cloud of steam shoot straight out of it's rear. I'm not even joking.

Steamy gas. It happens in the cold. Just be careful the next time you think you're being discreet.