Last night I was mad. I was downright furious. I had allowed the words, thoughts, and opinions, of other people get to me on a personal level, and I became incredibly upset. My husband was trying to figure out why I was crying, but when I would try to tell him, he would interrupt me to tell me he didn't understand. It was over an issue that is very personal for me; an issue that scares me to death, and I have always felt that others don't just try to tell me how they feel about it, but try to force me to adopt their point of view. I'm sure that's not always the case, but that's how I felt last night.
I dug up my prayer journal and I started to write. I was using big letters spread widely apart - not my usual precise handwriting. Three pages later I had to stop. My hand was hurting, I needed to blow my nose, and I didn't want to think about it anymore.
During my prayer journaling time, Brent had come upstairs to check on me. He sat quietly next to me and let me pour my thoughts and feelings out to God. I started to calm down.
Whether or not it was warranted, I was furious. I don't know how you pray when you're furious, but I just let it all out. I didn't ask for understanding, or for insight on how to deal with people who frustrate me. I didn't ask for a new outlook on the situation, or for a gentle spirit. I don't really remember asking for anything. I told God exactly what I thought and how the actions and words of others made me feel. I told Him He was the only one I sought counsel from on these sensitive issues, and that everyone else needed to zip their lips. I told him when I got angry about one issue, suddenly a plethora of other issues flooded my mind and I became angry about those as well - either for the first time or all over again!
I calmed down. I said Amen. My husband and I had a long chat. I slept peacefully. I'm not angry this morning. I am comforted though, that even when I have absolutely nothing encouraging to say, nothing wholesome or gracious, my God still lets me come to Him. He lets me pound on his chest and scream the "WHY?!" questions and He lets me complain, and He lets me weep, and He lets me vent about my disappointments and my feelings of contempt.
David called upon God quite frequently in all sorts of emotional states.
Psalm 22:19: But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
Psalm 142:2: I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble.
But isn't it wrong to let your feelings, especially your angry feelings, come to surface? Ephesians 4:26 (from Psalm 4:4) In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.....
It doesn't say "DON'T get angry - ever! Don't do it! Getting upset, angry, or mad is wrong!" No....not hardly.
It's okay to get angry. It's okay to feel troubled. You're allowed to be upset. It's natural. So long as the end result is you casting your cares upon Him, and turning to Him for refuge and solace ~ it's okay! He can take it. I promise. I thank God that He is able to take it - because most of the time I can't.