Today I'm taking a little different approach in my blog post, because today is a different day. Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, and a day I join with other bereaved parents world-wide to remember and honor our babies, and give a voice to the littles who never got to cry with their own.
Today, while I have much, and am thankful for it all, I still take pause. Today, as on every other day, I speak her name. I remember her face. I miss her. Harlynn.
I would like to thank those who bore fruit to us in the days since losing her. For those who went beyond being "nice" and demonstrated kindness and goodness in the fullest of all senses. For the mortgage payment. For the funeral costs they covered. For the meals. For the visits. For the jewelry. The blanket. The gifts at her grave site. For visiting her grave site. For speaking her name. For giving me room to grieve messy. For loving us. For supporting us. Thank you.
Kindness and goodness aren't about buying the person behind you in line a coffee. Not about letting someone turn first at a four-way stop even though you had the right-of-way. It isn't about holding the door open for someone. Those are all nice - and great things to do - but not a display of kindness or goodness. Kindness, goodness - those are things that require rolling up your sleeves and getting down to the nitty-gritty of ministering to the needs (physical, emotional, spiritual) of those around you. Anyone can be nice. It takes heart to truly be kind. To be good. To all those who did, and are doing that for us - thank you.
It was in those moments and so many more I realized the faithfulness of God. When I couldn't allow myself to be vulnerable enough to explore or depend on my faith, His never wavered. It was because of His faithfulness I learned that sometimes, faith is all one has to cling to. Faithfulness may be a fruit to bear, but it is also one to consume for the sake of survival. A thousand times I can turn my back on God and a thousand times I can turn around to find He is still there. His faithfulness to me far surpasses mine to Him. Because of that, however, I know today more than ever before He is present. He is real. He is alive.
I can only hope, as I'm required to go on living in this world, I can bring forth kindness and goodness in a manner that blesses those I bestow it upon. I hope I not only maintain faithfulness, but display it with fervor and reckless abandon. These fruits of the Spirit aren't merely what I need to strive for on my own. They're what I need to allow Him to produce in me. I assure you, I have seen the fruit in so many others. With all we've been through and have experienced, I want you to know, I see your fruit. And so does He.
Moving from nice to kind. From decent to good. From following to faithful. Those are my dreams today.