You've got month at the end of the money. Energetic kids at the end of your energy level. You've given all you can give and there are still so many events or responsibilities that require your attention. How on earth can you make it to the end of the road, when you're out of gas and the road keeps going?
I've been there. Not only have I been there, but I am there. Right now. Today. I was so pumped up because I had both kids fed and bathed before 6:00 p.m. Then I realized there was still more than two hours until bedtime. I was tired, they were not. Lord, sometimes the road seems so long.
Some days it's longer than others. There are some days when I get to the end of the road for that day and then start laying pavers, cause I have a bunch to accomplish, and the energy with which to do it! That is not often, however. That is not usual.
More often than not, I reach a point in my day where my legs buckle beneath me, I crumple in to a ragged, worn out pile, and try to catch my breath. I turn my head and see the road keeps going. I'm nowhere near the end. Somehow, I'm expected to walk this journey and finish with fervor. But I am so spent. Between being a parent, striving and stumbling to get it right, being a wife who feels like she falls so short in so many aspects, and just plain living - with sickness, tiredness, too much to do, too much to minister to.... Why does the road keep going when I've given all I can possibly give?
Yesterday, as I was driving Little Miss to preschool, she exclaimed, "I feel my heart lighting up!" I asked her to explain and she answered, "We're supposed to let God's light shine through us, and I can feel it in my heart, because He lives in my heart, and it's lighting up right now!" I smiled so broadly and told her that was wonderful, and I was so happy for her - and I was. Little pieces of our ministering to her are taking root. My tank was filled a little fuller and I had encouragement to take a few more steps in my day. So much so, that I busted out of my woe-is-me shell, and walked down a few houses to introduce myself to our newest neighbors. Little Miss, in her quest to out-socialize me, went down a few more houses, knocked on the door of our neighbors (who are "new", but we've been introduced and visited a couple of times) as she thought I was there. When they answered the door she said, "I'm here to introduce myself, but I need to use the bathroom first." So in she marched. To their house. To use their bathroom. Thank God it was them, and they're wonderful people, and there was no resulting incident. That took a little wind out of my sails. Then at dinner, however, Little Miss wanted to pray and asked God, "Please don't ever let me run off like that again," to which Mama uttered a hearty "Amen!"
Even today, as we drove around she asked me if she could pray "thanking God for the blue sky and the sunshine, and the pretty leaves". I said of course, and she started praying right there in the van. If you only knew the struggles we've had in getting her to understand and appreciate prayer - her initiating it is not a victory for our parenting, but a victory for God doing precious work in her heart. After her prayer, she started singing along with the radio. Every song that came on, she would lift her voice, praising right along with them. Melt this mama's heart.
"Mama, what does that mean, rock and roll?""It means get a move on." I answered.
"Or does it mean we go to our studio to record and be awesome singers?"
Sometimes when I can't muster up any more energy, when I can't find the strength to take one more step, no matter how tiny, I'm given treasured moments. Moments where I'm reminded why walking the road, continuing the journey, is so important. Moments when my strength comes from Him, through others. These last couple of days have shown exactly that. There is more road left at the end of my ability to journey, but somehow, with His help, I end up crossing the finish line. Each and every time.
Don't give up. And if you do give up, let someone help you the rest of the way. He'll provide the means to get you to the end when the road keeps going.
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